Asking Questions is Important; or, I may have spoken too soon.

So, we received our lease agreement to sign today.

Let me tell you a lesson in asking questions when searching for a place to live: Never assume anything is the same anywhere. Don’t think that just because certain things are standard in other places that they will be standard where you’re going.

In every apartment I’ve ever lived in, water and trash have been included in the rent. You pay your own electricity and gas, but trash and water come included. Not this place. That could end up adding another $100+ to our rent, which we sadly cannot afford.

I’ve also never seen an apartment that requires you to declaw your cat. That’s reason enough to reject this place. Morally bankrupt monsters.

I am incredibly disappointed–this place was gorgeous. Nice area. Affordable rent for a two bedroom and two bathroom apartment with central hair and a washer and dryer in the unit. But that’s because they’re also not footing the cost for things other apartments do.

So, we keep looking.

Such is life.

I still love you all.

A little bit about where I’ve been.

I’m sorry I’ve been so lacking in updates. Between the depression and anxiety, and school, and work… my desire to write anything–or even really do anything–has been practically non-existent.

There’s also been another thing going on that’s been adding some stress to my life, that I didn’t want to mention just yet. But…

I’m moving!

Well, my mother and I are moving. Into a new apartment. Where I will have my own bathroom (this is probably meaningless to most of you, but it’s huge for me for reasons I won’t disgust you with). We go to sign the lease on Saturday, barring some kind of catastrophe. *knock on wood*

I’m very excited, and very nervous. Where we’re moving to is a little further from my work and will add a half hour to my (already nightmarish) commute. I’m not looking forward to that. It’s also further from school–same problem.

But no more sharing a one bedroom apartment! My own bathroom! MY CLOSET! YOU GUYS! I will have to post pictures of this closet when we get moved in (around mid/end of April). It’s a to-die-for walk-in.

And the area is really nice. There are sidewalks, which the area we’re currently living in is drastically lacking. (Sidewalks. Seriously.) I think it will be good.

But, also, it’s something I’m going to be dealing with for the next month and a half, so I probably won’t be doing much decorating in my planner because I just don’t have the time. But once I’m settled and organized (*cue angelic music*) and I have space (*angelic music intensifies*) then I want to start, you know, actually using this thing.

I love you all.

Plan With Me: Haha, oops! edition

Are you ever just sure–just 100% certain–that you’ve done something? Something like, let’s say just for a random example, scheduled a post for your blog? Then you go to post a different post and you see that your blog post was never actually scheduled at all and just sitting uselessly in drafts for a week? Has that ever happened to you?

Because it happened to me.

So, once again, I have two spreads for you all this week. And I’m seriously considering decorating my spread for next week and scheduling it now so this doesn’t happen again.

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A very quick update

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Trigger Warning: Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, US politics

I’m running a little late with this week’s planner spread. I’ll have it up either later tonight or tomorrow. School and sanity takes priority. Thank you for your patience.

But, I need to vent a little bit here, so bear with me in the meantime, please.

I’m tired. And frustrated. And angry. And scared. And a lot of other things that a lot of other people, and especially those who live in the United States right now, can probably relate to.

These aren’t good times to have depression and anxiety. A protest is a bad place to have a panic attack and I freeze up talking on the phone, so I mostly sit at home and write emails to my state’s senators thanking them for being from California and not being complete a*holes.

I wish I could do more. There’s a war being fought out there and I feel like I’m not doing enough to help. But I can’t read the news on the way to work anymore because I almost jumped in front of the train the other day and it’s getting difficult to explain my red, puffy eyes to my coworkers when I get in each morning because I’ve “never had allergies this bad before.”

I try to spread information, and I try to donate to places on those rare periods when I get a little extra money in my paycheck, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I’m exhausted from arguing with people who just don’t want to get it. I want to have hope but it’s just so difficult right now.

I feel helpless. Like I can’t help myself and I can’t help anyone else.

I’ve been considering switching my major back to psychology, which would be… a thing. I’d basically be starting my entire education over from scratch because I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten a lot of what I learned a decade ago when psychology was still my major. I just feel like… with a psychology degree… I could actually help people?

And right now, I feel like the world needs more people who want to help each other. The outpouring of support from lawyers in the wake of Drumph’s “travel ban” (which, let’s be realistic: was a ban on Muslims) has been magnificent and uplifting and is probably one of the few things I’ve been able to hold onto to remind myself that life is still worth living.

I just want to help people.

Again, thanks for your patience with this week’s Plan With Me. I’ll try to get it up tonight.

Stay strong.

I love you all.

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