Trigger Warning for Depression.
The weird thing about having depression is that it doesn’t always feel like sadness, so it can be difficult to identify an episode.
The last couple of weeks I’ve been in this weird sort of funk. I haven’t really felt bad, but I haven’t really felt good, either. I’m just kind of existing in the void, a bit listless, a bit unmotivated.
It wasn’t until I was folding my laundry last night (laundry I washed on Wednesday) and finally hung up the clean pants which have been sitting on my exercise bike for three weeks that I realized, “Oh. Well, that explains it.”
Being unable to identify when I’m in a depressed slump (as opposed to just being lazy, to which I am also prone) is probably one of the worst things. If I can catch myself slipping early enough, it’s a little easier to distract myself, or remove the trigger.
After three weeks, it’s a bit deeper, a bit more ingrained, and nearly impossible to identify what the trigger was/is. I can’t specify a coping mechanism (certain things work for certain triggers–if I’m over-worked, exercising doesn’t really help; if I feel bad about my poor diet, lying in bed and eating a box of Girl Scout cookies is not a good option; but reversing those two works wonders), so I just kind of have to try things in my coping arsenal and hope I stumble on something that works.
Which is going to make for a very fun week.