A very quick update

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Trigger Warning: Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, US politics

I’m running a little late with this week’s planner spread. I’ll have it up either later tonight or tomorrow. School and sanity takes priority. Thank you for your patience.

But, I need to vent a little bit here, so bear with me in the meantime, please.

I’m tired. And frustrated. And angry. And scared. And a lot of other things that a lot of other people, and especially those who live in the United States right now, can probably relate to.

These aren’t good times to have depression and anxiety. A protest is a bad place to have a panic attack and I freeze up talking on the phone, so I mostly sit at home and write emails to my state’s senators thanking them for being from California and not being complete a*holes.

I wish I could do more. There’s a war being fought out there and I feel like I’m not doing enough to help. But I can’t read the news on the way to work anymore because I almost jumped in front of the train the other day and it’s getting difficult to explain my red, puffy eyes to my coworkers when I get in each morning because I’ve “never had allergies this bad before.”

I try to spread information, and I try to donate to places on those rare periods when I get a little extra money in my paycheck, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I’m exhausted from arguing with people who just don’t want to get it. I want to have hope but it’s just so difficult right now.

I feel helpless. Like I can’t help myself and I can’t help anyone else.

I’ve been considering switching my major back to psychology, which would be… a thing. I’d basically be starting my entire education over from scratch because I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten a lot of what I learned a decade ago when psychology was still my major. I just feel like… with a psychology degree… I could actually help people?

And right now, I feel like the world needs more people who want to help each other. The outpouring of support from lawyers in the wake of Drumph’s “travel ban” (which, let’s be realistic: was a ban on Muslims) has been magnificent and uplifting and is probably one of the few things I’ve been able to hold onto to remind myself that life is still worth living.

I just want to help people.

Again, thanks for your patience with this week’s Plan With Me. I’ll try to get it up tonight.

Stay strong.

I love you all.

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