Musings: Responsibility, or Sometimes Life Doesn’t Go As Planned

I had planned this year to save big. My goal was is to deposit $4,500 into my savings account by the end of the year and to not make any withdrawals from that account.

And I’ve been doing well, too. Between my monthly checking-to-savings automatic transfer and my direct deposit from work, I’m depositing an exorbitant amount of money into my savings account each month, something to the tune of $200. I’ve barely been able to afford any extras, but this has still allowed me to rapidly grow that balance, afford what I need, and still pay just over my minimum payment on my credit card every month.

It occurred to me recently that just wasn’t going to cut it. Yes, I’m paying more than my minimum payment, but not much more. Not enough to stave off wave after wave of interest that will sink me in the long run.

I held fast, though. I wouldn’t withdraw from my savings. I’m so close to $2,000 in there. I’ve never had $2,000 in my savings account in my life. This is huge for me. This was the proof that I could be a responsible adult who is actually good with my money.

Except that being good with money doesn’t just mean saving it. It also means not drowning under the weight of it. Which, lately, I feel like I have been. I dread looking at my credit card statement because it give me such anxiety. I’m afraid. Yes, I’ll get it paid off, but do I really want to wait thirteen months for that to happen?

So, I bit the bullet, pulled out a large enough chunk from my savings to get my credit card down to something that at least doesn’t make me want to vomit, and paid. I’m still in debt, but at least it’s not a crushing debt.

I’m disappointed that my dreams of a fat savings account have taken this stumble, but I’m relieved that at least I have more than half my credit limit back available to me (to not use because that’s how I got into this mess).

I think, if I’m really diligent, I can make up that money I pulled from my savings. But, even if I don’t, I still think I did the more financially responsible thing. People may still sigh and roll their eyes at my supposed inability to save money and the fact that I got into such debt in the first place, but at least I’m trying to fix it.

At least I’m on my way.

I love you all.

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