So, yesterday was my first day of on campus classes. Apparently, this is the semester of social interaction. The two classes I’m taking this semester are English (Critical Thinking & Intermediate Composition) and Communications (Interpersonal Communication).
Now, of course, I expected there would be some social interaction in the communications course. I mean, it’s communications. Communicating is literally the whole point. I’m not happy about it, but it’s a GE requirement. Unlike other classes, I think communications is a good GE requirement because no matter what you major in, you probably need to communicate with others.
What I didn’t expect was how socially heavy my English class would be. It’s critical thinking, so I figured participation would be heavily required (isn’t it for everything), but our teacher basically said that we’d be doing some kind of group activity weekly, if not daily. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but, again, this is a required class, so I’m kind of stuck. Yesterday, she had us do this cheesy “ice breaking” exercise, where we got into groups of 5-6 and each wrote a fact about ourselves. I figured this was going to be a share among your group thing… no. It was a game where the rest of the class matches up your fact to someone in your group.
I wish I had known that before I decided to use having anxiety. Admitting it to a small group of people who I can explain my situation to is fine; having thirty strangers making assumptions about me based on my confession of mental illness, not so much. Really glad I didn’t mention having depression, too (which I almost did).
So, I’m not super thrilled and her little game had the opposite intended effect on me; she wants us to get comfortable opening up, but I feel like now I need to be a little more guarded in the future to ensure I’m not tricked into sharing things with more people than I’m actually comfortable with.
But, you’re probably wondering about that broken therapist part, huh? Yea, I thought so.
So, my ex (Pup) and I have a weird sort of relationship. We’re crazy incompatible, but we love each other, but we fight constantly (usually about politics), but we hate not being together. It’s one of those, “I hate your guts, but I’d fucking die for you” situations, really.
I bugged Pup for years to go to therapy, after we hit a particularly bad spot in our relationship. He never did. After our Super Big Mega Argument back in May, he suggested we go to couples counseling (mind you, this was a year after we broke up). I was kind of baffled, because that’s something you do when you’re actually… you know… a couple, but I still had hope we could get back together, so I agreed.
And waited months for him to make the appointment. That was his idea. A couple weeks ago, I was thinking about how, after three months, he still hadn’t made the appointment and thought maybe it was a sign we really shouldn’t get back together. Then, like he’d sensed this in me, he made the appointment, which we had yesterday.
I’m not going to get into the details of what happened, but it all ended up coming around to our political differences. We got in an argument about it right there on the couch. The therapist was listening to us with this just wide-eyed, “Oh, my God, what is even happening” expression. At the end of the session she just kind of looked at us with this defeated look on her face and said, “I’m sorry. I just don’t know how I can help you.”
Like, really? You went to school for at least four years. This is your job. We paid you actual cash money for this. And we are so beyond help you wouldn’t even know what to do or where to start?
I’m almost impressed by our dysfunction.
Anyway, after that, I decided that it really is best that we try to just stay friends, rather than hold out hope of getting back together. I know he’s disappointed, but sitting there in a room arguing about free speech in front of a stranger just kind of made me realize that I can’t be with someone who says someone should have the right to say they want me and my friends dead, even if he thinks they’re wrong. We might hang out later today, if I get the five assignments I have due on Thursday done early enough. I’m two down, so we’ll see.
But, yea. That happened.
And all on two hours of sleep, too.
I love you all.