It’s Halloween, witches!
I love Halloween. I’ve always loved Halloween. As a little kid, I couldn’t think of anything more fun than dressing up, have everyone in the neighborhood tell me how cute I am, and getting pounds and pounds of free candy. I mean, come on. That’s the dream.
As I got older, Halloween kind of became my Christmas. Being “weirdos,” Halloween was something my mom and I could bond over. It was our “family holiday.” It was the time of togetherness in the way that Christmas is for most people.
Because I didn’t really like Christmas. As a little kid I liked Christmas, for the usual reasons: Toys! And cookies! And cocoa! AND TOYS! When I was older, Christmas lost its appeal.
That’s probably because my father left my mother around Christmas time. I was ten.
People who haven’t gone through their parents splitting up and don’t have a lot of friends who’s parents have split up seem to have this weird mental image of what kids of divorced parents should be. Commitment issues. Daddy issues. Emotionally stunted. Slutty, maybe.
I mean, I’m definitely emotionally stunted, but that well predates my parents getting divorced. And, I guess I do kind of have commitment issues, but I think that has less to do with my parents divorcing and more to do with the fact that no one will ever live up Chris Evans, so why even bother?
(That was a joke. I’ve never met/spoken to Chris Evans and have no idea if he would be a compatible match for me. Also, if Chris Evans is by some miracle reading this: Hi. I love your movies. Congratulations on the great genetics. And thanks for being open about your issues with anxiety; you have no idea how much just hearing someone like you talk about that has helped me and so many others. You’re a peach.)
The only effect my parents’ divorce really had on me is my relationships with my parents. My dad especially, because he cheated on my mom and that’s just… no. Not something a good person does.
I was really angry at him for a long time. When I was fifteen, I stopped seeing or talking to him for a year. Even after we started talking and visiting again, our relationship was really strained and awkward.
It took a really, really long time to reconcile that my dad wasn’t a bad person, he just did a really, really shitty thing. He did a lot of really, really shitty things, actually. I’m not entirely sure if I’ve forgiven him, but I’m working on it. Our relationship is a lot better than it used to be, that’s for sure.
My relationship with Christmas is getting better, too. But, it’s still rocky. I think there’s always going to be a part of me that will associate Christmas with my dad walking out.
Ah, well. Halloween is more fun, anyway. Can’t terrify small children on Christmas! (Well, okay, I guess you can, but please don’t. That’s just mean and you’re a total asshole if you do.)
Happy Halloween, witches! Stay safe out there, tonight.
I love you all.