It’s not a food post, but whatever. I’m having a lot of feelings right now and it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want!
I’m writing this for queue at just after 5:30 on Thursday. So, when I say “today” I really mean “yesterday,” but that feels really weird to write, right now.
Today, I had lunch before class with Matt, who I feel like I haven’t seen in eons, but it’s actually only been about a month. As I’ve mentioned in the past, he’s delightful. Not really relevant to the post, but I felt like throwing it out there because he bought me lunch and I appreciate that.
Anyway, today at lunch, I mentioned to him that I’m about to turn thirty and I’m feeling rather dissatisfied with where I’m currently at in my life. Of course, Mercury (the planet of communication) is in retrograde, so I did so in a much less articulate way, but I think he got my point. As I’m about to hit thirty, he’s about to hit thirty-one and assured me that nervous, anxious feeling will pass.
I’m inclined to believe him. But, in the meantime, I’m a bit of a wreck.
I feel so very… not adult. And, I don’t mean that in the funny, meme-y way where I haven’t done my laundry in a month and ate an entire bag of Oreos in a sitting and “ugh, adulting is hard.”
I mean it in the I’m unemployed, uneducated, and have no real plan to change that in the near future. I thought I had all this time, but I’m looking around and I honestly don’t know what would happen to me if, Heaven forbid, something happened to my parents. *knocks on all the wood* I have no prospects. I would have to beg to sleep in my best friend’s parents’ guest room and try to find a job.
No wonder I’m single; I’m such a catch, right?
It’s scary. I’m scared.
At lunch, I asked Matt how close he is to transferring. Pretty soon, it turns out. Of course, in conversational reciprocity (and probably some genuine interest), he asked me the same.
“I switched majors last semester from English to STEM. I’m basically starting my college career over.”
Which is and isn’t true, I suppose. When I looked at my educational plan, I do have a number of general education classes that transfer over from one major to another (my social sciences, I’ve met my English requirement obviously, a history class). But, when I look at the number of classes I have to take–high level math and science courses for which I still need to take numerous prerequisites. I’m looking at another two to three years at the community college level. Then, three years at the university level.
When it comes to the number of classes I need to take, I’m basically a freshman.
Meanwhile, all my friends are either getting ready to transfer, or they’ve already graduated, or my little sister is less than a month out from getting her Master’s degree I’m so proud of her I’m bragging on her behalf I know I’m sorry I’ll stop now.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself, but it’s disheartening.
Marketing would be faster. English would be longer (because I want an MFA), but more fulfilling. But, Dietetics lets me make money while keeping me out of a soul-sucking corporate job.
Not to mention, I look at my transcripts and see all those dropped classes and just feel sick to my stomach. That’s going to look horrible when I try to transfer.
I really, really need to buckle down and get this done and worked out. Which I should probably start doing now, instead of writing a blog post about how I need to.
I love you all.
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